Believing in love again

Believing in love again

Millions of adults have just flat given up on love.  A recent dating site survey states that one in eight adults have completely given up on falling love.  Even more startling, a fifth of adults have been single for over a decade.

Of course it seems sad. If you have already given up on love, it’s no surprise you feel hopeless.

If you are recent survivor of heartbreak, it’s only natural that you will build a blockade to keep from getting hurt again.  If you don’t look for love, how can you possibly lose at it?

If you think that way, you are not actually moving past the heartbreak itself, you are just building walls to keep from healing. These feelings are hard to deal with when they happen, so we just avoid them.  It’s hard to find love if our heart keeps getting in the way of your head.

As hard as it is to handle, you really need to go through all of the feelings. You have to endure it all  if you want to heal so that you can open up again.

As crazy as it sounds, if you want to find love, you have to believe in it. And that means you have to deal with your past relationships and moved on from it, so you can shake away all of the preconceived notions you have about love.

Many have gone back out on the dating scene thinking, “ I don’t think I will find love, but I might as well go out.”  That is the wrong attitude. Imagine that you are on date with someone who has already decided that they don’t have a connection.  That is a set up for failure.

Don’t set up a situation for self-sabotage.  It’s not good for you or for the people you are dating.  If you aren’t dating, it may be because you have had bad experiences. This gives you the illusion of safety because you just aren’t going to go out and risk it.

But if you don’t go out, you aren’t going to find what you are looking for, and the chances of it coming to you are tiny.

First examine  why you think that love isn’t part of your future. Do you need more time to heal after a heartbreak?  If that’s it, take all of the time you need. Any work you do on yourself in this time may help to get to the core of what issues you are experiencing.  If there is anything else that you think is getting in your way, are you willing to do anything about it? Or are you just making excuses?

If you find yourself facing the same issues, over and over, maybe you just aren’t dating the right type of people. Perhaps you should open yourself up to different experiences.  Think of anything that you may need to face in your approach to dating.

Just about everyone has the fear that love isn’t in the cards for them. We all have that one time that love has come close to breaking us. It’s not a good feeling. And you may have been overcompensating by isolating yourself.   Sometimes you just have to take a chance.

Sometimes going on one date can turn out to be the best thing you ever did. Who knows where taking one chance can lead you? But first be clear on what you want in a person and in a relationship, but keep yourself open to opportunities.

To truly find love, you need to believe it is real there and exists.  If you believe it is easier to find it.

If you are ready to take a chance and need some help with reassurance and focus, you may want to reach out to a counselor or advisor. You can get assistance to help you adjust your outlook while you move forward with your life and romance.

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