Over 40, Single, and Dating



When I was younger, I thought life went like this: meet a guy, date,  get married, have a family, and live happily ever after. That’s how things went for my own parents, and for lots of my friends’ parents, too.

So when I suffered my first broken heart, I was surprised that things like that happened in real life, outside of the movies. Then it happened again, and again, and…well, you get the idea.

It’s all well and good to have parents who perfectly fulfilled the meet-date-marry-family plan, but it was hard for them to deal with my broken heart, as they didn’t know what to say or do. My mom offered me a cigarette, because that’s what calmed her down when my dad was away on business. You see the problem there, right?

Modern life doesn’t always give the perfect “forever” marriage that lots of people seem to strive for. But the experiences do give us life lessons, both for ourselves and to share with others.

Another thing I totally missed out on in relationship lessons from my parents was that actually meeting a “Prince Charming” isn’t guaranteed. Also, lots of the guys everyone considered to be a “Prince Charming” were really just thinly disguised dirty, rotten scoundrels. Sure, they started off all nice, but their disguises inevitably fell away, leaving you wondering how you ever believed their every word.

Silver Foxes


There’s good news in all of this for those of us in the dating scene who are more mature, who I like to call “Silver Foxes.” There’s a light at the end of the tunnel for us, something positive that will come of it all. It may be shocking to you in the younger generations, but here it is: Dating isn’t just for you. The dating scene isn’t an exclusive party that only the young are invited to. Older folks can and do date. And not only do they date, but they use dating sites, too.

Yes, you read that right. Silver hair and creaky joints don’t hold older singles back. What’s more, older singles are actually enjoying the new-found freedom that comes with dating again. There are many reasons why there are older singles, and why they turn to online dating sites. People are less likely than ever before to stay in a marriage that isn’t working anymore. They’ve gained self-assurance to say “This isn’t working out anymore” or “I’m unhappy in this relationship.” It takes a lot of confidence to say these things, to end the marriage and to try to find love and happiness somewhere else.

Whatever your own personal circumstances may be, finding yourself back on the dating scene on the far side of age 40 isn’t fun. Trust me, I know. It happened to me, too. Your younger self could have bounced back again fairly easily. But it’s more difficult when you’re older. You hear the clock ticking, and the odds are not  in your favor regarding the number of singles out there at an age similar to yours.

It’s important to remember  that you will bounce back from this. Using a dating site that caters to your age or your interests tips the scales in your favor.

The most positive thing about dating in your later years is that it’s better than it was when you were younger, in your teens or your 20s. You likely have more confidence than you did then, as you won’t be facing questions like, “Does he want a family?” and “Would he make a good father?” Dating when older means that all those things were sorted out long ago, and won’t be issues anymore. You’re both wiser to the games that everyone seems to play when they’re younger. Now, we seem to just get on with it and date in a proper way.

Dating when older also gives you a much better chance of knowing what it is you want or don’t want out of a partner. Plus, you either know where you’re going in life, or you’ve already gotten there. This all may sound uncaring and ruthless, but it really isn’t. With all those things out the way, you can focus on what’s really important, and give yourself a better chance of finding someone to love again.

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