Dating can be tough. Lamenting limited options, an environment based on quantity rather than quality, and the lost art of courting may sound overly dramatic. But all of the modern innovations that intended to make dating more natural and easier have only had the opposite effect. So, it’s still difficult to find somebody compatible. And people who are successful, witty, and attractive don’t necessarily have advantages when it comes to finding love.
But there are some things that actually do help make the road to love easier to navigate. Here are eight tips to help you.
- Stop doubting yourself. When you’ve kissed a lot of frogs and still haven’t found your Prince Charming, it’s easy to think there’s something wrong with you.
There’s a common thread if you’ve had multiple relationships where partners have made similar comments to you about certain issues. You may need to do some soul-searching to discover ways you could become a better partner. But if you’ve just had had bad luck or bad dating experiences, don’t be hard on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the qualities that you consider non-negotiable and important. When you do, you’ll cut out people with whom you’re not compatible.
- Don’t make assumptions. Assuming is the worst thing people can do in a relationship. Yet, we all make them. To gain clarity on who somebody is and what they’re thinking or feeling, ask questions. Their answers will likely surprise you. We’re often in our own heads too much, and therefore assume the other person’s perspective. We forget that other people have their own viewpoints.
- The skills that help you succeed in your career are different than the ones that lead to success in relationships. Yes, you’re flourishing in the corporate world or prosperous in your own entrepreneurial endeavor. That’s great! But the traits that propel you up the corporate ladder or ensure success in your personal financial pursuits are not the same traits that will lead to successful relationships.
Relationships thrive on balance, compromise, and teamwork. But the sacrifices you make as you climb the company ladder are more self-centered. A relationship tests you every day on your ability to harmonize your needs and priorities with those of your partner. And at any moment, the pendulum can swing in either direction, testing your patience, your tolerance, and your relationship’s strength.
- Enjoy your singleness. Take advantage of the solitude to learn about yourself. Do things for yourself and for your own benefit. Love where you’re at and who you are. Singleness gives you time to focus, to grow, and to build yourself up. Circumstances change when you’re in a relationship. You have to spend energy and make time for your partner. But when you’re single, you have fewer distractions and more time to be creative. Take advantage of this! Being tuned into yourself makes you sexier and more attractive. This will help you draw love into your life.
- You want somebody to complement you, not to complete you. Nobody else will complete you. But somebody else can complement you. Having somebody in your life can make you feel complete, but that sensation is short-lived and fleeting.
This is because you must feel complete yourself first. Feeling complete is permanent. Nobody can or should take that feeling away from you. After you’ve followed tip 4 above and enjoy who you are and fully embrace yourself, you’ll stop seeking completion from somebody else. You’ll attract somebody who complements you. This is what makes a relationship dynamic.
- Know how to sense what’s fake. These feelings are reciprocal when you have something real with somebody:
- You won’t be afraid to let them see you at your worst. This is not a relationship breaker; it’s a relationship builder.
- You won’t fear that they’ll leave you when times get tough. They’ll show you by their actions, not just by their words, that they’re there for it all.
- They’ll cheer for you, support you, and help you to succeed.
If these things aren’t naturally happening, you’re probably wasting your time.
- Know how to embrace rather than sabotage. Sometimes you say you want love, but you do things to push love away rather than to draw it closer to you. Don’t say things to test if they’ll stick around.
To experience love, you must embrace love and be willing to be loved. You shouldn’t let fear force you to sabotage your relationships before you give them a fair chance.
Your feelings are fragile, so going into protective mode feels natural because it prevents you from getting hurt. But if somebody is trying to show you love by doing all the right things, you owe it to yourself and to them to give them a chance.
- Love and vulnerability go hand-in-hand. They don’t exist without each other. Your ability to be vulnerable makes your relationship real and more transparent. Vulnerability is difficult. And paradoxically, being vulnerable in a relationship is powerful.
Being vulnerable shows you’re genuine and that you have depth. Consider your friendships: when did they become more solid? It likely was when you let yourself share something personal about yourself with your friend, and your friend did the same. Those vulnerable moments are what strengthen genuine friendships.
Vulnerability does the same in romantic relationships. Relationships will not grow or become stronger without honesty with each another about your failures, concerns, and fears. These sensitive moments are what creates solid and lasting relationships.
Love may come when you least expect it. If you’re open and are truthful with each other from the start, you may develop a relationship that you never realized you could have. Love is certainly available to you. If you change your point of view to accept that this is the truth, the pathway to love will become part of your personal journey.