You’re a woman with a guy friend who is your best friend. You have a great time together and now you wish for more. However, he isn’t sending any signals he wants a change. He’s dating around and it is making you aggravated that he doesn’t notice what is right in front of his fact. How do you get out of the friend zone into a romantic relationship?
Reasons for the Friend Zone
There are basic reasons why he is stalling what you see as a natural progression. There are ways around each, but you must be patient and strategic.
This great guy friend may have been hurt in the past and feels it’s safer to be “just friends.” This may seem odd because he jumped into a new relationship with another woman. It’s not uncommon.
The new woman doesn’t know the real him, so he can fake it. Her admiration builds his ego. She gets him back into date mode and that feels good to him. He may be looking for an escape where he doesn’t have to deal with issues or the new girl may have a sense of mystery about her that lures him. She’s as interesting as a glittering lure in a bass pond.
Solution: Chill. Back off. Don’t talk to him about your feelings. Just quietly decide you are just friends and shift your focus into appreciating him and what he brings to your life.
Backing off makes you more desirable to him. If he gets it, he will realize that you stayed while other girls don’t. He may also realize he could lose you.
He’s not physically attracted to you.
This is a hard one to discuss because it involves so much of a woman’s self-esteem and sexuality. No one likes the idea of others not finding them attractive, but men are drawn by looks. More than that, each is attracted to certain types. What do the women he dates look like? Are they redheads? Do they all wear heels?
Solution: Change your looks. I know it seems disingenuous to change your looks to attract this guy friend, but going on as you are isn’t doing a thing to improve the situation, right?
Keep changes simple and true to yourself. Get into shape so you have a smoking hot body. Don’t worry about your body type. You can’t change that, but you can do a lot with what you have. Become a master at wearing makeup. It will up your attraction factor tremendously. Finally, dress in style and confidence. Find looks that showcase the best part of you and that you enjoy.
Remake Your Vibe
While the outward appearance attracts men, it’s your vibe that keeps them around. No doubt with all the wishing and longing for this guy, you may have developed some negativity. Time to let all that go. Find things that make you happy even without him. He can’t make you whole. You must come to him, or any man, already whole. That is when you will find a truly accepting, remarkable relationship.
To fill up your hole to get whole, do things like take a class, learn a hobby, read books you love, take time out for yourself, hang out with friends, or volunteer. Filling up an emotional void will make you happier. Happy people attract other happy people. Men like happy women. It’s that simple.
Women make a big mistake is chasing men. Men are driven away by women who pursue them. Chasing gives off the vibe that you’re desperate. That, in essence, is telling the man that you are so flawed that you need him to fulfill you. It also implies a bit of a crazy, stalker quality.
The reason women should be pursued goes back to ancient times when men were hunters. Men want to obtain something valuable. They psychologically need to chase to get it. Men put a value on the chase. They feel the thing they are seeking is worth more if they must put in significant effort to obtain it.
In a way, this translates to dating. Men like to convince women to date them. They put a value on the pursuit in that the best women will be harder to convince because they are “out of their league.” Every man wants to be with someone they think is a few notches higher than they are. When you chase, you are lowering your value.
In Proverbs, it compares a good woman to jewels. It states nothing is more valuable than a good woman. That includes you! You are worth being chased. You are worth the effort. So stop doing the chasing.
Date other guys while you are waiting for this guy friend to come around. Don’t use the other guys to make him jealous or anything. Just open up your options. Your guy friend may see what he’s missing or, worst-case scenario, you may find someone you like more romantically.
Now the Lure
You’ve taken anywhere from one to three months to do all this. What’s next? It’s luring your guy with a bit of flirtation to see where it lands. Don’t try to spend too much time with him or show too much interest. He needs mystery. Throw out a little flirty language to see if it sticks. Dress sexier around him and give him opportunities to reach out to you instead of you calling on him.
Finally, you can act like you are going to touch him or kiss him romantically but the switch gears and do something else. For instance, you could lean into him but then pull something off a shelf behind him instead of a physical follow-through. Keeping him a bit off-balance will attract him.
There is a chance that all of this may do nothing to change the relationship. If it doesn’t, then you will need to accept that. However, your efforts are in vain. You look better, are happier, and have other men interested. It’s not a bad investment.