Everyone is born to love people in their life such as their parents or their guardians. Each person has been raised a different way and so they have different attachment styles. These attachment styles are developed as a child, but they stay with them as they get older.
If you had good parents raising you, chances are that you developed a secure attachment style but that is not how everyone grows up.
There are different kinds of attachment styles and when you are able to understand what kind of attachment style that you have, you can use this knowledge to understand your relationships and to be happier with your partner.
There are four different attachment styles including:
Attached Style
This is the attachment style that you have is going to be different depending on how you were raised. This is how we connect with other people and how we form bonds with people that are secure or insecure.
When you depend on your attachment style, you will see that you attach to certain people and sometimes you have a hard time keeping your relationship strong or you might even have a hard time bonding with certain people.
Learning about your attachment theory can help you to have better relationships. Your attachment style doesn’t have to stay the same your whole life and you can get therapy to help you if your attachment style is holding you back.
Security
Having a secure attachment means that you are able to be confident in your life. You look at yourself as important and you attach to people in a healthy way. This kind of attachment makes you feel that you are safe and that you are able to be around other people while being independent.
A person that is securely attached is able to be confident that they will have their partner and they will not just leave or abandon them.
Anxious Attachment
Having an anxious attachment style means that you see yourself in a negative light. You might be afraid that someone will leave you and your relationships will be very intense. You might be able to have strong intimacy with someone, but you will express yourself in a way that is overly emotional.
Sometimes you will seem like you have emotions that are up and down and that you are too impulsive because you are afraid of being left. You might worry that the person that you are with is going to leave you and this will cause you to be overly emotional.
A person that has this kind of attachment style will be anxious in their relationship and they might even have some kind of anxiety disorder. If you have this, do not worry, you can get therapy and they can help you to figure out what caused you to be this way. This could happen based on your childhood or some trauma that you had in your life.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant attachment is one that is not secure. People that have this kind of attachment style are not attached to people and they prefer to be alone in their life.
These people are often seen as uncaring, and they are said to be insensitive and rude. The reason that some people are like this is because they are afraid to get close to people because they are afraid that they will get hurt.
This could have happened because you were neglected as a child or that the parents made you grow up too quickly and you had to do things for yourself at a young age.
People with this attachment style have a hard time being in relationships because they seem withdrawn and cold, and they have a hard time connecting with others.
Fearful Avoidant Attachment
People that have fearful avoidant attachment are people that have been through hard things in their life. These are people that often have had childhood trauma such as abuse or neglect. This makes people unable to trust others.
These people are afraid to get close to other people because they have been hurt so much in the past that they don’t want to try to connect with people. This is something that you can get help with and you can talk to a therapist about your feelings.
Styles and Being Compatible
Everyone has an attachment style, and you might wonder what kind of person you would be able to partner with depending on your style. Some people that are securely attached often go with people that are like them and that are able to attach securely to them as well. They will often avoid people that have the avoidant or the anxious style but that doesn’t mean that this kind of relationship will not work.
People that are securely attached are people that are secure, and they normally want to be with someone else that is secure as well.
Anxious Avoidant
This type of person will need to stay away with people that have avoidant attachment styles because this is a relationship that will have many problems. This can be someone that fights addiction or someone that is anxious, and they will not ever be able to get the attention that they need from an avoidant person.
Secure Attachment and Avoidant Anxious Style
If someone has a secure attachment, they will work well with someone that is avoidant because they can attach with them because they will not be worried that the person is going to abandon them.
Anxious Attachment and Anxious Attachment Styles
A person that is an anxious attachment style should avoid another anxious attachment style because they will be afraid that the other is going to abandon them., This will cause anxiety and will make the relationship hard to work.
Children and Secure Attachment Styles
If you have a child and you want them to have a secure attachment to you, you need to help them to be independent but not alone. Find activities that you can do with your children that give them some freedom to do things on their own.
This helps the child to have confidence and will help them to find independence in themselves and they will know that their parents are there to support and love them.
Learn to trust your children and when they get older, give them rules, and allow them to show you that they can follow them.
Changing Your Attachment Style
People want to have love and everyone in life deserves this. You can make a goal to get love and you can do this by going to therapy and getting the help that you need. Your therapist will want you to be healthy and they will want you to be able to have good relationships in your life.
You never have to be alone, and you can talk to someone that is there for you and someone that will help you through all of your problems.
Attachment styles happen from when you are young, but they don’t have to stay the same. You can talk to your therapist and find ways to be more confident in your life. If you have a secure attachment, your relationships will be strong but if you don’t, find someone that you can talk to and help them to focus on making yourself more secure.
