Some people ask things like “What habits can create a happy relationship?” Questions like these are important and they deserve answers. Some people have had years of experience on messing up in relationships and so understanding what can make a relationship happy is important. It is important to understand that fighting and hurting each other’s feelings or other normal things in a relationship happen. Sometimes it is hard to talk about, but it is still important.
Not Resolving Conflict
If you want to help a relationship succeed, you need to figure out if it is important to resolve and communicate when there is a problem. Many happily married couples have found that they have issues that are unresolved, and some spend years fighting. While many of the unsuccessful couples insist on resolving everything because they think there should never be a disagreement, other couples that are more successful feel that some conflicts are going to happen no matter what. People are always going to find something they don’t agree 100% on and there is no need to make someone change in order to love them. You shouldn’t let some disagreements cause you to have an unhappy or unhealthy relationship.
Sometimes when we try to fix problems, we create more problems than we can fix. Some battles aren’t worth fighting and some are not worth even talking about. One great strategy is to live your life and let your partner live there as well.
Hurting Feelings
Sometimes women will spend a lot of time looking at themselves and feeling like they are not good enough. Sometimes, women will come out of the bathroom and have all kinds of makeup on and their hair fixed. Most women come out beautiful but sometimes they will try something new with their hairstyle or their clothing and sometimes it just doesn’t look good.
When you tell a woman this, her first reaction is to be mad. She might march back into the bathroom and come out and throw things at you.
Most men will lie about the situation to make their women happy, but some men feel that it is better to be honest in the relationship than to always feel good. The last person that you should have to censor your opinions with is someone you that you love.
It is important to date women or men that feel that honesty is important. Sometimes he or she will call you out on what you are doing and even if it hurts your ego, remember that you are supposed to be honest. Even though we hate hearing the truth, having a true relationship is very important.
When the highest priority is to make yourself feel good, or to make your partner feel good, there will be times when no one feels good and the relationship can fall apart without you even knowing it.
It is more important to make sure that you are always trusting of each other. If you feel that you need more alone time, you need to be able to say this without blaming. Even if it causes you to have bad feelings, if you were cold towards your partner, they would feel worse than if you were just honest.
These conversations are important to have a healthy and happy relationship. Without them, you lose trust with each other.
Ending It
Sometimes we feel that we need to have romance in order to be important. The truth is that we feel that relationships should be perfect and successful even if the relationship is messed up. If the relationship ends, we think it’s a failure and even though this is an emotional time, its kind of crazy to feel that way.
Even in Romeo and Juliet, it was shown that everything can be wrong with love and that our beliefs can be really irrational. People don’t just drink poison because their parents don’t want them to be together. We think of life as a romantic movie and it is irrational to believe that you should be with a partner that treats you badly. If someone wants you to give up your own needs and identity, you will be miserable, and you will suffer in trying to make the relationship work.
Sometimes the beset thing to do is end the relationship before it becomes too hard to end or too damaging. This allows you to love yourself and to not put your relationship before your own happiness. You need to love yourself and have values and you need to work on yourself to grow to be a good partner for someone that is perfect for you.
Being Attracted Outside of the Relationship
One of the things that we face in a relationship that isn’t honest is that we have sexual thoughts to people that aren’t our partners.
Even if we want to believe that we only have eyes for the person that we are with, the truth is that once we get past the honeymoon stage, we realize that we see other people in sexual ways. This is part of how we are wired. Sometimes people will talk about being blindsided because they found someone else to be attractive and they feel really bad about it. The truth is, they feel horrible because they don’t think that they should find more than one person attractive.
We cannot stop the feelings of attraction. We can just choose not to act on these feelings. These feelings will come and pass and they will happen to our partners as well.
Sometimes these feelings can cause guilt and cause jealousy in others. Our culture tells us that once we are in love that the story ends and that we shouldn’t catch ourselves having other fantasies. If we find someone attractive, we feel that something is wrong in our relationship.
This isn’t the real truth. It is healthier for us to allow ourselves to experience feelings than to let them go. When we hide these feelings, we allow them to dictate our behavior rather than deciding the behavior for ourselves.
People who suppress these feelings find themselves having affairs and they have no idea how it even happened. They will regret it. But people that suppress these feelings are the ones that put their partner into jealous situations at every thought and they often feel that they are frustrated and do not understand why.
Looking at someone that is attractive is fun. Thinking about attractive people is fun. Doing this isn’t going to change who you are or what your relationship is. If you are upset with yourself then you need to understand this is natural.
When we see a beautiful woman, we should enjoy it. We know that we picked our partner for a reason and we find them attractive as well. We like the attention and being flirty, but we will stay committed even if we are attracted to someone else.
When we commit to a person, we don’t commit our thoughts and feelings to them. We can’t control what we think or feel most of the time so how could we commit to this?
We can control what we do and make sure that we don’t let our thoughts control our actions.
Spend Time Apart
We all know someone who doesn’t ever do anything since they got into a relationship. You see peo9ple do this all the time. A man meets a woman and they stop playing basketball or going out. A woman who loves shopping stops doing it all of a sudden because her partner doesn’t like to do it. It’s not troubling just for us but for them in these situations.
When we love someone, we have irrational feelings and desires. One desire allows us to be consumed by someone we are into. This is great and fun but there is a problem when this happens.
The problem is that you have your identity taken over and you change to be closer to the person you like. You stop being who the person fell in love within the beginning.
It is important to make sure that you have some distance from the person that you love and that you keep your hobbies and your separate friends. When you have a distance between you, it brings sparks to the fire so that you can keep your relationship happy.
Accepting Flaws
Everyone is looking for the perfect person and they can’t find them, but they can be the perfect person for who they do find.
Anyone who finds themselves in relationships that aren’t working out need to either try to fix their partner or change them or they decide their partner is perfect.
This is one of those things that happens, and it goes like this:
- All people have flaws.
- You can’t force someone to change.
- You need to date someone that has flaws so you can appreciate them.
The most accurate way to decide how you love someone is to love their flaws. If you can accept that they aren’t perfect, then that is being intimate with them.
Plato came up with this idea many years ago and he felt that people were powerful and so they would raise up to any problem. This is a problem for the gods because they don’t want to wipe the human race out and they had to figure out how to be humble.
Zeus then split the human into a man and woman, and they would have to wonder the world looking for the other half that would make them whole and full of power. This would not happen if there were two perfect people but two imperfect people to make one another complete.
True love is when people complement one another. It might be perfections that attract someone but it’s the imperfections that allow people to stay together or not to stay together.
Conclusion
Relationships are hard but people need to recognize signals so they can work them out. Make sure you pay attention to your partner and realize no one is perfect.
